Shitzteritus
A common disease widespread throughout Area 51 due to the aliens giving the poop dealers poop and is spread while others touching poop. (common) 500,000 U.S cases per year. This disease is treatable by eating coke and mentos (usually takes 666 days to heal).
He went to the poop dealer and received Shitzteritus from eating Bhocalate bhip bookies when the poop dealer touched them.