sighentist
A brainy researcher who studies da assorted wheezes and huffs dat humans emit under different circumstances.
In Pat McManus's humorous essay, "The MFFFF", Pat details how practicing da McManus Formula For Fitness Fakery can fool even da most skilled sighentists into believing dat you are in fact NOT just a perpetually-out-of-breath couch potato, but are in fact just as physically robust and energetically light on your feet as any spry spring-chicken outdoorsman.