Sloaneys

A Sloaney SLOW KNEE is anyone who involves themselves in the “wild” public school* social life, and has a little too much money to burn. Traditionally, the Sloaney is female, but nowadays males have been welcomed into the category, with their own distinct form of Sloaneyism. Sloaneys tend to spend much of their free life mindlessly wandering up and down the King’s Road and the immediate area of Chelsea, making use of a specialist tool known as “Daddy’s Credit Card” with the traders of the area.

* A public school is a paid-for educational institution, often with boarding houses. The idea behind them is that someone pays for you to gain a superior education, which allows you to earn plenty of money to get your children a superior education, which allows them to... etc. etc. until one of your offspring blows all his money on a twin-engined chocolate orange making machine.


Where to find them
During the school holidays, look out for them primarily in the vicinity of King's Road ("the KR") in Chelsea, London. However, they also spend time in their estates in the Berkshire and Buckinghamshire countryside partaking in rituals known as "polo" and "tennis parties". Rock, in Cornwall, and its surrounding area is a popular destination for Sloaneys with an art for keeping their blood alcohol level above the 50% level.

Telltale signs
•
Designer clothes (non-skater, that is. Don't want to look like we've been slumming it in the skate park, do we darls?)
•
Voice sounds as if plum is shoved down throat
•
Use of Sloanglish
•
Group of 3 or more girls saying "Oh my gawd" and generally trying to make the rest of the world believe that their life is actually exciting
•
Group of 3 or more guys laughing like Tim Nice-but-Dim
•
Head glued to mobile phone in attempt to appear popular (it's probably Mummy seeing if they're alright)
•
Hyphenated surname
•
Referring to each other as "darling", and abbreviating each other's names to end with an S (eg. Laura - Lors, Lucy - Luce/Loos, Henry - Hens, William - Wills, etc.)
•
Pseudo-sophistication. Watch out for kissing once on each cheek as a greeting, like the French.

Sloaney schools
Ampleforth, Bradfield, Bryanston, Canford, Charterhouse, Eton, Harrow, Marlborough, Oundle, Radley, Rugby, Stowe, Tonbridge, Winchester, Abingdon, Benenden, Cheltenham Ladies', Downe House, Headington, Heathfield, King's Canterbury, St. Edward's Oxford ("Teddies" haha), St. Mary's Wantage, St. Mary's Carne, St. Mary's Ascot, St. George's Ascot, Uppingham, The Oratory School, Wellington, Woldingham, Wycombe Abbey ("Scabby Abbey")
and many more...



Sloaney names
Sometimes, these creatures give themselves away with their ridiculous names. Ones we found on an investigative (honest!) trip to Cornwall included Gala, Aurea, Crystal, Tory and Poppy. In most countries, giving children names like that is considered a severe breach of human rights.

c www.sloaneys.co.uk for more info

A teenager who goes to a particularly posh private school like Stowe, Francis Holland, Westminster etc. Have a very defined style - girls usually wear dark skinny jeans, with jumpers, chunky jewellery and belts and boys wear jeans with polo shirts or layered Ts. All designer-made, of course. Hang around the King's Road, or sometimes, High St Ken/Notting Hill. Very overprotected and blue their parents' (usually Daddy's) money. Often appear in Tatler (magazine)in the party scene section.

To be a Sloane: When something is Sloaney - 'Jesus Christ that girl over there is such a Sloan - how Sloaney can you get?
Basically to be rich, beautiful and spend to much time and money on the Kings Road looking down your nose at all the normal people who aren't dressed like a Jack Wills advert or have hair so big you could loose something in it.

public school poser girl who is usually an obnoxious alchoholic little twit, quite orange, deliberately has bad roots, hugely backcombed locks, parts her hair so far over to one side that her parting is by her ear. only ever wears:

1. jack wills tracksuit bottoms, usually with big holes in. the grottier the better; ralph lauren (or other designer) shirt, usually pristine; big fat leather belt, again quite grotty; a HUGE set of faux pearls or a lovely ornate necklace. like wearing that one neclace can make the rest of the grotty outfit look beautiful. ugg boots.
2. skinny jeans with a jack wills hoody and a BIG pashmina and BIG sunglasses (optional). really old pumps.
3. any combination of these. sloaneys also sport manky old cardigans, polo shirts, occasionally they wear a sequinned elastic headband across their forehead, which akes their forehead itch and look really sore, but hey, thats how they like it.

sloanglish wurd for a public school gurl / guy in the uk - wears alot of ralph lauren snobby, party hard but only at elite clubs

A public school go-er. When a girl is a sloaney, she wears high heels with lots of bangles, tight jeans, massive belts, and her hair up in a messy bun or pony tail. Always posh, sometimes rich, and walk around like they own the place.

a British teenager who goes to rather expensive public school. usually the nouveau-riche, large houses and pashmina's are a must. The less conservative, slightly more obvious, rather vulgar and plastic-looking versions of preps... with less class or taste. They like designer labels, monograms, playboy and the girls usually have messy hair tied in a pony-tail or bun.