Benjamin Franklin

One of the 'Founding Fathers', Ben Franklin was a well-known author, statesman, poet, musician, and inventor. Franklin was responsible for some of the most important features of the Constitution. Some of his accomplishments include:

* Inventor of Floam

* Paula Abdul's first dance instructor

* Amish Rake Fighting (scored 27 kills, 83 maims in first season)

* Known to place 'whoopee cushions' under Madison's seat during meetings

* Porked 1275 women during his lifetime

* Was able to leap tall buildings with a single bound

* Often dressed as a pregnant nun and walked through the streets shouting, "Come and get it, fellas!"

* Once walked into Congress after a night of heavy drinking and opened fire with his AK-47

* Liked to play with puppies

* Held regular staring contests with his neighbors

* Tried to have Hillary Clinton drawn and quartered

* Had girly-hippy hair

* Advertises on the $100.00 bill with a frowny face

* Prone to depression and extreme violence

* A Taoist-anarchist

* Hated tuna casserole

To scour the internet to prove a worthless point in a vindictive manner.

Man, if only there was cocaine back then...

Benjamin Franklin, also known as the first president of the United States, and the inventor of lightning. In 1749, Franklin invented the metal condom contraption and walked out on a stormy night to show off his new invention. As he was under a tree, lighting struck down on his dick as Franklin shouted, "OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH!" And that's how Benjamin Franklin invented lightning. Writing/typing this information on a question associated with Benjamin Franklin on a test will instantly give a perfect A+, even if other questions were incorrect.

When you are "founding" out that you are the "father" of a child age 3 or younger

When a man licks another man's asshole for $100

The founder of the University of Pennsylvania.