spadget

Bro- Yaah! What the Hell!? A little animal just grabbed my ankle!
Sis- I see you met our Spadget.
Bro- He came out of nowhere!
Sis- That is his way.
Bro- Where'd he go?
Sis- One does not question the ways of the Spadget.
Bro- Why are you talking that way?
Sis- What way am I talking?
Bro- Like everything is some big mystical experience.
Sis- Oh. Sorry. It's just the way we talk about him here.
Bro- WHY?
Sis- We don't know where he came from, where he goes to sleep, what he eats, or if he's feral or somebody's pet that went wild.
Bro- Fucking thing could have rabies. Am I bleeding?
Sis- No.
Bro- You didn't even look!
Sis- He never breaks the skin.
Bro- Well, he's not wild, then. That's good.
Sis- We tried to catch him to take him to a vet to get him his vaccinations. Every time, we'd come out in the morning to find the bait gone and the trap empty.
Bro- Cool! So he's smart.
Sis- He's a furry little Einstein.
Bro- C'mere... Come here, little guy... Spadget... Spadgie-wadgie...
Sis- Oh, he doesn't come when you call.
Bro- Here, Spadgie... here boy... Want some beef jerky?
Sis- He's not going to come. He doesn't know you're calling his name... Oh my... what the fuck?
Bro- What a GOOD BOYYY...
Sis- Oh my gaw... WE HAVE BEEN OFFERING HIM ALL KINDS OF FOOD FOR THREE YEARS! And you've got him eating out of your hand!
Bro- Did you try beef jerky?
Sis- Yes, we tried EVERYTHING.
Bro- Even teriyaki flavor? Oh look, he likes having his belly scratched.
Sis- He's never even let me touch him! He never lets ANYONE touch him!
Bro- He's making little trilling sounds. Shhh. I think he's falling asleep.
Sis- I don't believe it. How did you get him to come out?
Bro- One does not question the ways of The Spadget.
Sis- Asshole.