Speak to the plumber
Another way of saying you are masturbating. Although it is mostly used by males it can sometimes be jokingly used by females as well.
"Sorry for taking this long, I ended up speaking to the plumber for 20 minutes"
"Hope you had fun, I don't think I can speak to the plumber for that long"
"Hope you had fun, I don't think I can speak to the plumber for that long"