Sprite screwball

One who lives and dies by the lemon and lime. They often lose themselves in the shiny emerald surface of the can, gazing at its radiance for extended periods of time. Sprite screwballs are stereotypically in awe of a glistening cold Sprite's ability to quench thirst. There will often be numerous empty Sprite vessels littering their work spaces and private rooms. A Sprite screwball's recycling can often fills up long before their garbage can does, but not without a heartfelt goodbye to each spent can. There is also likely to be individual Sprite surprises scattered throughout a screwball's home, intended to be saved for a "rainy day". Praise be LeBron and the Sprite cranberry.