The Christmas
The Christmas is a term made up for giving a girl the double fister, coined from a drunk man.
"On Christmas Morning I was surprised when he gave me the Christmas..."
Christmas
A time when an obese, chubby, and hairy man with a body mass index of 'obesity category III' (before cookies) uses the illegal tactic of breaking and entering to raid your home, steal your cookies, and then leave presents that you will most likely be anticipating for the whole night.
Is literally invisible when you try to catch him in the act. Nothing will work. (Or course, unless, you use thermonuclear bombs.)
Is literally invisible when you try to catch him in the act. Nothing will work. (Or course, unless, you use thermonuclear bombs.)
"How was your Christmas?"
"A bald obese guy broke into my home and stole my cookies."
"That's nice. What did you get?"
"Coal."
"A bald obese guy broke into my home and stole my cookies."
"That's nice. What did you get?"
"Coal."
Christmas
A wonderful time when somebody breaks into your house and eats your cookies, whilst replacing the food with presents. <3
"Look! It's Christmas! I wonder if the happy chubby dude left me any presents!!"
Christmas
A collection of tradition's from all sorts of European pagan holidays around the time of the Winter Solstice. It used to be a violent party, but somehow became a family holiday. The Church hated Christmas, until they realised that they could "convert" it to Christianity. They claimed that Jesus was born on this day and badaboom badabing, ba-humbug. Now it's alright, I suppose.
Child: Yay! It's Christmas! What did you get me daddy?
Man: Your not my son. I'll fucking buy you something when you earn it, you bastard.
Man: Your not my son. I'll fucking buy you something when you earn it, you bastard.
Christmas
The celebration of the birth of commercialism... Oh yea, and Jesus.
I'm gonna set up traps to kill Santa.
Christmas
People say Christmas is all about Presents, Santa Clause or this one guy named Jesus? Well you see those are all fake. We all know that Christmas is all about one thing and that is......
A swiss colony beef log.
A swiss colony beef log.
Stockings are hung on the chimney
And the presents are under the tree
And Mamma's in the kitchen
Making some, 'erbal tea
The windows are covered with frost
And the candles are all alight
But as I wander, through this quiet house
Something just doesn't seem right
You see, every year, the neighbours bring us
A Swiss Colony Beef Log
But the neighbours aren't around, around, around
There's no Beef Log to be found this year
No Beef Log
Christmas isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log
Without those cheeses and meats
I don't think I can get around
My mother tries to comfort me
She says "Here Son, have some egg nog"
I fucking hate egg nog, seriously
What do I see?
Underneath the tree?
Grandma got a Swiss Colony Beef Log just for me
Ah... Gravy!
Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby!
That's what Christmas is all about!
The roly-poly Colony Beef Log, baby!
Makes a little boy scream and shout!
Deck the halls with balls of Swiss Colony
La la la la la, la la, la la!
Sweet
And the presents are under the tree
And Mamma's in the kitchen
Making some, 'erbal tea
The windows are covered with frost
And the candles are all alight
But as I wander, through this quiet house
Something just doesn't seem right
You see, every year, the neighbours bring us
A Swiss Colony Beef Log
But the neighbours aren't around, around, around
There's no Beef Log to be found this year
No Beef Log
Christmas isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log
Without those cheeses and meats
I don't think I can get around
My mother tries to comfort me
She says "Here Son, have some egg nog"
I fucking hate egg nog, seriously
What do I see?
Underneath the tree?
Grandma got a Swiss Colony Beef Log just for me
Ah... Gravy!
Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby!
That's what Christmas is all about!
The roly-poly Colony Beef Log, baby!
Makes a little boy scream and shout!
Deck the halls with balls of Swiss Colony
La la la la la, la la, la la!
Sweet
christmas
A celebration of humanity dating back thousands of years. It originated as a pagan celebration of the birth of the Sun, as it was celebrated on the winter equinox, and after that point, days got longer. When the Catholics/ Christians took over these pagan peoples, they replaced their holiday with their own Birth of the Son, (as in of God) to make the transition to Christianity's traditions easier. The idea of Santa Claus and his reindeer was created in the 1800s, and is loosely based on St. Nicholas, who gave random presents to people. The idea of a christmas tree dates back to German celebrations of Christmas thousands of years ago. They used an evergreen tree to symbolize life and hope in dark times, and hung apples on it. In modern times, it has again lost its religious meaning and is now used as a time of secular "joy." People spend the time with their family or friends and exchange gifts, a tradition from the Birth of Jesus. (As it is the birthday of the Lord, and people can't give Him material gifts, they exchange them with others.)
Christmas happens every year, whether we like it or not.