The Redneck

Fisting a female (usually) while holding a beer can in the same hand that is doing the fisting. (Too lazy to take the beer can out of your hand while having a romantic fisting session.)

You would be a redneck if:

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.

The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

You've ever been arrested for loitering.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

Anyone who hears a Jeff Foxworthy joke and says "damn right!"

only require a shotgun, rifle, and 4 wheel drive

"The glorious absence of sophistication"
-Jeff Foxworthy

Nascar, Mud boggin , Country Music, huntin , dirty ol trucks , ford , robin's donuts..

this may only apply to canadian rednecks;)

Rednecks live in the Southeastern United States. While they do not comprise the entire population in this region they do make up the vast majority of the people here.

Typically, rednecks live in rural settings. They avoid urban settings. They are proud of their pick-up trucks or older cars and stick with them despite rising gas prices.

They typically work industrial or manual labor jobs. The majority do not have anything beyond a high school education. They depend on the "Good 'Ol Boy" system of advancement. They are extremely weary of those who do possess the desire to act educated -- these people are perceived as sell-outs.

You can often see rednecks hauling lawn equipment or hunting (dog) equipment even if they do not plan on using these items in the near future. It is a proud symbol of their social class.

Rednecks often are seen about in hunting attire even though they do not plan to hunt anything. Dressing up comprises of dockers and a tucked in polo shirt. Baseball hats on men are a must regardless of the occasion or whether indoors or not.

Most rednecks do not live in mobile homes anymore. Most have modest homes. Typically they decorate in Native American or hunting themes. Most devote much more money into their vehicles then their homes.

Rednecks speak with a Southern accent and avoid using big words. They may know big words but it is not socially acceptable to use them. People who do are identified as outsiders.

Rednecks support major brands such as Coca-Cola and Nascar. Their major past times are watching television, hunting, fishing, and shooting. They detest reading (other than romance novels or the newspaper).

Rednecks tend to be socially conservative. They are extremely defensive against outsiders and anyone different from them. They have learned to avoid those who do not adopt their culture. Many rednecks may also be Evangelical Christians. They will not hesitate upon meeting you to tell you that you "are going to hell" if you are not also Baptist or a similar denomination.

Overall, rednecks are extremely friendly people but they are very reluctant to accept those different from them so it is hard for others to mingle with them or understand them.

Many do not ever travel outside of this region. Places such as the Blue Ridge Mountains, Pigeon Forge, and Myrtle Beach are considered to be the ultimate vacation spots.

They are very stubborn about their conservative beliefs. They believe that all liberals have lesser moral values. This is often hypocritical -- for example, the Southeast has a much higher divorce rate then the rest of the nation. Part of this stubbornness also stems from their idea that their culture is under attack since they tend to associate morality with social conservativeness. This stubbornness can have many negative effects -- it can contribute to false knowledge of the world and the culture within and outside of the Southeast. For this reason, most rednecks will to this day deny that the Civil War was about slavery.

Finally, most rednecks are closet racists. They will vehemently deny this but racist remarks are often made among white groups. They are outwardly friendly towards minorities but they certainly have very large reservations about hiring or becoming close friends with them. This is done almost as a quest for assurance amongst each other that no one in their presence is a cultural sellout.