the wedding

(n)- an 8 day week in which two male wedding attendies deny themselves sleep, non-alcoholic beverages, and any sembelence of anything that could even remotely be described as "civilized behaivor"... in order to out party, out-drink, and out do any other attendee of said wedding. If texans are present, they leave in shame.

Yeah yeah get on with it! Where is the food in this place?

The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.

Expensive drama where you have to wear uncomfortable clothing because 2 people said so

An event which will provoke the release of all known human bodily fluids, though not every person in attendance will release all of the fluids. Among the fluids to be released:
* Tears: The mother of the bride will cry at how nice her daughter looks and how beautiful the event is;
* Nasal discharge: Someone is bound to sneeze during the service;
* Sweat: The groom will be sweating, as he’ll be wondering if he’s making the right choice and ponders how his life may change;
* Saliva: “You may now kiss the bride …”
* Urine: At one point, all guests are going to have to take a leak;
* Vomit/stomach acid: Someone’s bound to have a few too many at the reception and spend much of the time driving the porcelain bus;
* Semen/vaginal fluids: The couple will get their freak on for the first time as husband and wife, if not the first time ever;
* Milk: If the bride gets pregnant, her ta-tas will produce milk when the baby is born;
* Blood: The divorce a few years down the road will result in either physical or figurative bloodshed

Funerals with cake

The instance of a £15,000/$27,000 event featuring two people taking the fisrt step toward divorce, recieving 12 toasters, dancing to lame Celine Dion songs and eating obscene amounts of cake.
At least one embarrasing drunk is required.