Townie

In America, a townie is a person who has lived in a small town for his or her entire life. Often proud of that fact, townies take great interest in every detail of change in their home turf. Notable characteristics include: making fun of places they've never been (and probably will never go), remembering what used to be where that new building is, and getting fat after high school.

Someone who never leaves their town and eventually raises a family in the same town they were raised in. These people tend to remain in the same social clique for their whole life. They are always living in the past.

Outside of england, this is a term used by students who have went to a new city for school to describe the natives of that town. It is often seen as derogitory by those who use it, but townies themselves often embrace it as a badge of honour.

1. Used to denote a person living in the community who does not attend or work for the college or university.

2. A college-aged person who never leaves the town in which, they went to high school in and they do not work attend any form of college.

3. A local, or person who lives in their place of birth.

The most common use for the word 'townie' in England is that which describes a person.

A townie is normally aged between 11 and 15. Listens to so-called 'garage' music such as Blazin' Squad and So Solid Crew, neither of which is REAL garage music; simply pop music with a stammering kid in fake diamonds fronting the band.

A townie will normally dress in grubby shell-toed Nike trainers, rolled-up Adidas tracksuit bottoms and an unmatching jogging top, regardless of the sex.
If female, the jogging jacket will most likely be pink or baby blue, most likely purchased for £5 at the local market and will have the word 'PRINCESS', 'BABE', 'BLING BLING' or 'FCUK' spelt out in white across the front.
If male, the townie's jogging top will most likely be white with blue sleeves, again purchased for £5 at a market; and will have the name of an American city spelt out across the front, ie. 'BOSTON', 'DETROIT', or 'CUBA'; ..despite the fact that these creatures are not intelligent enough to know where the places they advertise on their chests are. Most, upon asking, will not even realize that 'BOSTON' is a city.

A townie will often smoke because "it's alrigh', innit?". All townies own at least one item of clothing with the disgusting beige/brown Burberry print upon it. Obviously, this garment is not genuine Burberry, and instead of the £400 charged for a real Burberry bag/scarf, will have been purchased for £1.50 down the local market.

A female townie will have poorly dyed blonde hair with split ends and two inch long roots, gelled back into an impossibly tight bun/ponytail held by a fake Burberry hair-tie. The ears will also be adorned with at least three fake gold earrings ("only two quid fer eigh' pairs dahwn 'a marke'") and will have some form of acne, vainly covered up by layers upon layers of cheap foundation, blue eyeshadow and neon blusher. Eyes will also be caked with smudged eyeliner and clumpy blue mascara.

A male townie will not wear make-up, but will normally have a diamanté stud in one ear and boast that he did it himself.

All townies look down upon anyone who:

A) is intelligent
B) has a future that doesn't involve the words 'McDonald's drive-thru'
C) owns an item of black clothing
D) doesn't listen to So Solid Crew
E) doesn't smoke
F) doesn't have a forced Cockney accent
G) shows ANY sign of refusal to conform to the masses; ie. INDIVIDUALITY.

Ahh townies, the uncomplicated, uninteresting and wholly unneeded scum of any urban area across the face of the UK. These..."people" (sorry to all you normal people out there, I realize calling townies people is an insult to you all) are generally, in fact ALWAYS doing nothing with their life, unless of course your idea of living is hanging around outside the local corner shop, car park or McDonalds shouting abuse at anyone not wearing burberry, drinking stolen alcohol and smoking/sniffing/trying to fuck drugs.
They clad themselves in burberry, nike, adidas, umbro and avirex clothing, the males anyway. They always smell like stolen Hugo Boss aftershave, or at least the stolen, cheap, knock off market version of Hugo Boss. The males all follow an alpha male, they imitate his trends and language, in my area the words to desbribe a good looking female are "buff" or "tick" if something is good or acceptable it is "safe" and your friend is your "blood" often pronounced "blud" they will often pick on anyone with black clothing, spiky hair or baggy jeans, but will only attack in groups of 10 or more, if their "crew" isn't present (probably off stealing fake burberry, or dealing flour) they will stand at a safe range and hurl insults like "goff" "mosha" "grunga" or the ever popular "I fucked ur mum!" these insults should be shrugged off, however if you feel the need to retaliate, I recommend these:-
In response to "goff", "mosha" or "grunga" - Yes I am a <enter above instult here> and I need to know if you want me to sacrifice your soul to satan now or later.
In response to "I fucked your mum!" - My mum's dead, or if your mother is dead (sorry if I offended) and you are a male, you should respond with leave my mum out of this and I'll leave this out of your mum, and point to your crotch.
So those are the townie insults, not too good eh? To be honest baby townies are smarter and make for better conversation than their older "bloods" however they must develop into townie children, then townie teenagers.
Now, townie fashion is always the same, they try as hard as they can NOT to be an individual, they always wear baby blue, white or navy blue, they don't do black, it's too "goffick" they will always wear the following things.
Tracksuit bottoms, these make an annoying "swish swish" sound when the townies walk, these trousers will usually be tucked into white socks, which then lead to white "Reebok Classics" which are kept a blinding white colour to make people think they just stole...I uh mean...no I mean stole them. The top of the body will usually be clad in a polo shirt, usually stolen from Mr. Nickelson or Mr. McKenzie, both of whom have awful fashion sense, the head is adorned by one diamonte stud and a burberry cap, tilted at a ridiculous angle, thus making it useless when it comes to blocking sun.
Winter wear consist of dark green, navy blue or grey coats with ANNOYING UGLY FUR AROUND THE HOODS.
The females will wear zip up jackets, with one half of a random word or place on either side, these consist of Brooklyn, Princess, FCUK or New York, also under these are tanktops of such brand names as Von Dutch (the next FCUK, just you wait) or indeed the infamous FCUK, they think it's funny, because it's almost fuck, but not quite.
On the bottom they will usually wear AWFUL denim skirts, which cover about one tenth of their thighs, meaning if the townie girl farts the skirt will reveal all...not a pretty site, or they will wear tight TIGHT jeans, with words spread over their overly large rear ends, words like PRINCESS are usually displayed by sewn on sequins, when these sequins start to fall off they can leave the word "PRINCE" which can be worth a laugh.
The feet, these are now always adornes by those AWFUL, BAGGY TOPPED, FAKE SUEDE Ug boots, you know the ones, they kind of hang from halfway up the shins and look terrible, if wearing jeans the female townie will tuck her jeans into these boots, once again looking awful.
The face, female townies have no face, they have a sculpture of awful make up, built up layer after layer to disguise any uglyness, when it does in fact, the EXACT opposite, the ears will have large gold hoops, well not real gold, gold plated, but it's ok, they all fall for it anyway, they also wear awful clown pendants, a large gold chain with a large, posable "gold" clown encrusted with "jewels" I think this happened at a young age when an adventurous townie (HA!) got a toy clown, spray painted it cold and stuck sequins to it, then glued it to some string and wore it around their necks to ward off "goffs" now it's a fashion statement.
Winterwear is the same as the males, but in pink and a burberry scarf and gloves...fucking morons...
So, there's the fashion, now the culture...or rather the LACK of culture.
Townies prize physical displays of strength, mouthing off to someone from 20 yards away qualifies well, they will attack only in groups of 10 or more, they listen to RnB, Hip Hop, Rap, Garage and dance, anything with an electronic beat and bass line deep enough to cause structural damage is acceptable, this is usually played from their old cars, half rusted buckets of trash which have tribal vinyls on them or cheap rusted body kits, the townies hate anyone who isn't a fellow townie, but they are easily outsmarted, however after talking to one, one can feel slightly more stupid than before, prolonged exposure will eat your brain cells and turn you townie, avoid at all costs.
So remember kids, townies dress awful, smell awful and talk awful, they have desicrated the english language, but we do have our agents.
My best friend wears townie clothing, however he does not wear burberry, or tuck his trousers into his socks, he wears track suit bottoms and a brand name t-shirt, thanks to this the townies accept him, and this means I go generally unbothered.

Townies are, to put it simply - Sheep. The follow whatever trends are in fashion, for about 3 weeks, then go onto the next thing, they are very noticeable:

The males wear dodgy cheap tracksuits and sports clothes, usually bought from JJB. They wear baseball caps with the peaks pointing straight up, and they usually have their trouser legs tucked into their socks, perhaps for some sort of primitive enjoyment.

The Female townies wear tops that- well I should say tops, but really they wear a piece of fabric that barely covers their nipples! They can usually be seen showing off to the males by removing their bra without taking their shirts off - which to me seems very pointless.

Townies usually listen to music by slutty women who don't have real talent but wear revealing clothes so the males stay interested and the females take notes on how to dress wrongly. They also listen to music by so-called "gangstaz" - men who would be shot within a second if they actually put one foot in the ghetto. The music is usually about drugs, sex and alcohol, as those seem to be the only things that stimulate the small townie mind.

As far as personality goes, townies are practially the same. They will all tell you that they lost their virginity at the age of 11 or 12 or some other stupid age, when in actual fact they have never seen the opposite sex's genitalia anywhere other than porn and sex-ed videos! They will all sit on street corners, drinking cheap beer that they coaxed the older townies into buying for them, and smoking 10-20 cigarettes a day. These activites make townies think they are really "cool" and probably give them the feeling that they are grown-ups, when in actual fact they are just immature slobs. They will mess around in school, disrupting lessons, etc, which reflects on their school achievements - which are usually nothing but sports-related activities.

If you are not one of them and you approcach a group of townies, don't be alarmed if they shout abuse at you and offer to fight you. The lead townie will shout the most abuse, whilst slowly backing away to hide behind the larger, quieter ones. If this happens, just keep walking - most of the time they will keep shotuing "come on then if you're startin'!" whilst still not coming any closer to you.