urinal humper

A dude who stands so close to the urinal that he is actually straddling it. His toes are often touching the wall that the urinal is mounted on, and depending on his pissing style he appears to be either trying on the urinal as a giant "Baby Huey" style jock strap cup, or humping an enormous porcelain goddess who's had a building built around her with only her peculiarly shaped vagina exposed...conveniently in the men’s washroom.
Urinal Humpers suffer from a combination of urinal anxiety and urinal zombie symptoms. They apparently believe they are disguising their urinal anxiety by their willingness to use a urinal, but due to their extreme urinal zombie tendencies, they haven't noticed that the majority of their fellow pissers don't walk away from the urinal with some other guys pubes on his dick, or splatters on their pants as if their schlong was blowing bubbles in a sewage treatment plant.