vandalised bus seat

A gaping abyss of a pussy. Feels like fucking a bucket of rice pudding.

Other similes would include: minge like a hippos yawn, pussy like an axe wound or the little used, arsehole like a clowns pocket.

Note from author:

Hope you guys don't suffer the same fate. It's an experience that will stay with you your entire life!!...
Felt like I was throwing a sausage up Bedford High Street.