Vanilla ass cream
a pleasant smelling cream formula used for adults in whom frequently obtain a chapped or rashed anus, taint, and or gooch. This cream formula is rich with minerals to help restore natural skin surfaces and has a vanilla scent to block usual asshole odors. With its thick pasty texture, it has also been used to absorb and sanitize anal leakage.
e.g. Brad pitt: Honey, wheres my vanilla ass cream? Jolie: Oh, is ur butthole leaking again? Brad: No, my taint is chapped from watching that IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT marathon.