Water manual

If your water in the pitcher is expired and no one in sight is wearing a purple shirt, swish counter clockwise if it's between 3-4 pm but, if it's a Monday, swish back and forth. If it's a holiday, it's back, forth, left, right. If it's a holiday and no more than 60 seconds to 6:00 pm, you go back to counter clockwise. (Remember, this is all before pouring into the glass.) While you are pouring it in, you swish the glass counter clockwise. When the pitcher is empty and your samsung phone is at 19%, you HAVE TO keep the pitcher off the table. Your options are… hold the pitcher, throw it across the room, or just simply keep it on a plate. THIS ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERCENTAGE OF THE MOON!!!
If it has not expired, you have to have a napkin over your arm and pour the water as slowly as possible!