Whelkfucker
A moronic twat whose existence is partially justified by all the jokes you can make at their expense.
Person S: Have you met Cooper?
Person D: That whelkfucker from Sales?
Person S: Well, at least there's a new target for the pisstake now
Person D: That whelkfucker from Sales?
Person S: Well, at least there's a new target for the pisstake now