Winstanley College

A pleasant academic institution located in the idyllic north-west of England. Among its proudest exploits is producing an utterly marvellous range of A-Level results from its carefully-nurtured students.

The best department by far is the English Department, staffed by the finest minds in England. The students are pretty clever too.

Opponents of the college enjoy criticising an overrated elitism, though many find themselves utterly humiliated at their inability to use apostrophes and spacing their commas correctly.

The best college in the North-West of England, not merely because of its results, but because of the wonderful, down-to-earth students who inhabit it. Snobs are few and far between. The grade point system is simply a necessity, as so many compete to share in the true Winstanley experience. Winstanley students are full of fun, have a zest for life, are dedicated, and can actually spell! However, some jealous people who are either peeved at not achieving good enough grades to enter, or were simply unsociable during their time here, think otherwise. Oh well.

Winstanley College is a capitalist grade factory fuelled by its elitist ideology. Students function as cogs forced to carry the college’s prestigious reputation. This is established by their stringent, ever increasing entry requirements which are only attainable by the Übermensch. One can predict that in the near future the college will implement its very own Eugenics programme based on Theozoological belief. The institutions main livestock speak the language of Zaazu and comprise of the Performing Tarts, Emo’s, Indies, and Scarecrows, to name but a few.