Witness Protection

A thing that Michael Townley(now Michael De Santa) was not in

A program that Michael De Santa from GTA V was in. Witness protection is security provided to a threatened person providing testimonial evidence to the justice system, including defendants and other clients, before, during, and after a trial, usually by police. It is also used at war crime trials.
Don't tell DarkViperAU

A person with two first names, one as an actual first name and the other as a last name; as if they had been given a new identity.

A wise thing some small streamer dude called viper dark or some shit like that said

The non-existent government program we wish we were in when you know who comes knocking.

This is when a person deperstly avoids any contact with a Jahovahs witness when one (or sometimes many) approache(s)you with pamphlets and or other intrusive methods of religious conversion. These white shirt wearing mountain bike riding bible thumping extremists are often hard to get rid of. There are different degrees and extremes of this religious harassment which may have varying degrees of reaction from the victim which may include avoiding known Jahova's hot spots, getting a guard dog or relocating to an area with no forwarding address.