World Cup

A certain female's lady-parts when sought after by male representatives from a number of different countries (USA, Mexico, Italy, Spain, Ireland, France, etc) in a form of competition.

BBC Commentary Guidelines for the commentary team during the World Cup:

1. Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match (Germany v Costa Rica), the commentator must mention England.
2. Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have to be mentioned within the first minute.
3. The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Isles in passing at some point in the match if England play Argentina.
4. Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be made within seconds of the third goal hitting the net.
5. Should England wear their red jerseys, then '1966' should be mentioned approximately 20 times.
6. 1966 will be mentioned approximately 10 times a match, or only on 4 or 5 occasions for matches not involving England.
7. Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966.
8. When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant by the commentator on at least 14 occasions. This must refer to their style, their passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability.
9. Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill, Dambusters, The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966.
10. All Scottish members of our commentary team must continue to refer to England as "we" and "us".
11. We must ensure that nationlistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of course, the Germans are arrogant. The Spanish are bottlers, The Ivory Coast are fast but bad at defending, The Angolans are disorganised, The Argentinians are cheats and the French are only good because their best players play in England.
12. For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players that are playing in England. (eg - Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo).
13. The mythical "bulldog spirit" phrase should be used as often as possible.
14. Each match involving England should begin with the phrase "England Expects."
15. Should any player be involved in an injury that involves the loss of teeth, then references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory.
16. If in doubt, mention 1966.
17. Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Germany but emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of football since 1966.
18. Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966.
19. Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and Bobby Charlton should be mentioned.
20. When England bow out after the first stage, we must emphasise that it is a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup

An event in which a United States victory would signal the apocolypse. Would also be the end of football in Europe as we know it.

Sexual act which involves at least five men, each from different nationalities, ejaculating into one large chalice. Once the cup has been filled from "around the world", someone must drink the melting pot of cup contents.

An event where North American kids manage to find "national pride" for a country that their great grandparents immigrated from. Not only do they have NO connection with this country, this false "national pride" disappears the second the World Cup is over.

Despite it being hailed as the event that brings countries together for a short while, it only succeeds in tearing them apart even further as football alliances tend to demonize the opposing country.

An international sporting event watched by terrorists and international political leaders alike and by everyone else in between... Truly a uniting sporting event for most of the world.

World Cup .. what's that? I know it has something to do with football.