Wrenchpants

tiny, cheap, Hobbit-like creature with squirrel-like hands and an inability to pronounce words or names correctly; usually blind and possesses the ability to cross highly trafficked streets without harm, almost like an invisible Frogger game; inevitably, this creature's clothing is ill-fitted, leading him to pull, twist or "wrench" such attire so that the wallet is lying on the hip; the Wrenchpant's biggest enemy are "shortpants" or, more commonly, "short britches"; this creature pretends to have a higher education and would sell his own srambled-egg-eyebrowed father down the river to save a dime