bucket-toucher
An individual who is contagiously and toxically lame; a straight man who is, like, totally gay.
Melissa: "I know a guy who once burned a hole in my purse, watched me fall down the stairs on several occasions, nearly allowed me to slip into a narcotic-induced coma and always makes me take the bus to see him."
Nick: "Clearly, this fellow is a bucket-toucher."
Melissa: "I know, right?"
Nick: "Clearly, this fellow is a bucket-toucher."
Melissa: "I know, right?"