Buffalo News

To read this daily from Buffalo, New York, is to engage in a masochism not seen since the onset of self-flagellation.

Without question one of the worst newspapers to emerge in this country ever. Nobody ever thought it was possible to have so many pages with nothing pertinent or interesting to say. They are so typically one-sided in regard to political issues that they think nothing of endorsing a candidate without even a reasonable argument as to why.

The worst part of this rag is the "My View" column. They devoted a large space in the Opinions section to musings by the local yokels about their childhood memories of Grandma's potato salad, summer days spent in the basement with the lights off, or weekends at Uncle Wally's when he would slither into bed with cousin Mikey. However, those who have something relevant to say are relegated to a small paragraph in another area, so they can maintain space for this crap and all the former editors/employees who for some reason never go away.

They are further proof that a one-paper town is a lot like a child listening in on an adult conversation. They're only going to let you hear what they want you to hear.

Resort town located about a hour outside of Chicago. Has great beaches an a nice Indian casino. Also home to a lot of townies that never made it out.

A sweet weekend and summer destination, most popular with Fucking Illinois People. The demographic can only be generalized by splitting New Buffalo at US-12. The water side is the fucking breeding ground for fips, where some hang in mass quantities at New Buffalo public beach, and where all fips in NB live. On the other side of US-12, the demographic is 100% creepy redneck (or locals). All of these shops are also 100% fips. One of the most popular events in New Buffalo, is the St. Mary of the Lake Fair or "the Carnival". This is where the FIPs and the locals meet each year, or at least the kids and teenagers. The envious locals watch the fips arrive in cars from slick-looking suburbans to Ferrari's, mixed in with the weekend crowds' Kia's, Toyota's and Hyundai's. Meanwhile, the locals have already bribed their cousins and/or parents (or the "Carneys"), with meth, to terrorize the otherwise amazing lives of fips. Occasionally fights break out, but when an African-American arrives on the scene, the FIP's and meth-heads unite on racism. Aside from these cultural conflicts headlined with teenagers, New Buffalo is a great place to be. Hey, even though his house was almost burnt down, Mayor Daley still lives here!

Small tourist town in Southwest Michigan. Contains thousands of FIP's in the summer months that drive bad, treat locals shitty. Located right on Lake Michigan. Has weird man sitting on corner of main street every night. With a radio. Just watching. Also location of big indian casino.. Four Winds.

That thing when you're driving eastbound on I-94 and you upper-decker the toilet at the Michigan Welcome Center