Cadeist
Someone who spends all their thought power and energy on high school-tier objectives, including but not limited to lunch table-tier "friendships", losing virginity before certain year, maintaining reputation among strangers, and Instagram likes. Obviously, anyone who's not a Cadeist to some extent is a loser, but what matters is your priorities.
Loser #1: I'm still mad she lied about wanting to go to the dance with me but you can see why I spent $150 on a mum. After all, I don't wanna lose my virginity at 17.
Loser #2: Christ, you're such a Cadeist.
Loser #2: Christ, you're such a Cadeist.