Can't have shit in Detroit

A phrase saying that when something breaks or gets stolen that you "Can't have shit in Detroit."

Feeling terrible while in Detroit. Pretty obvious

When a friend is the literal reason, in every scenario, as to why you can't have nice things. (Ex: always spilling beers, falling over things, breaking things, etc.)

A magazine cover with a beautiful woman on the cover that you would like to fuck but you can't because its just a photo.
" Look at this magazine with this beautiful woman on the cover. wouldn't you like to fuck her? But you can't because it's just a photo. and she lives miles and miles and miles and miles and miles away. And if you did meet her she wouldn't let you touch her with a ten foot pole. But you can buy our magazine, thats almost as good".
Shit!!

No matter how nice of a thing you have, no matter how hard you may try, someone will always find a way to fuck it up.

What a mother yells whenever something gets broke

It's a statement a mom or dad would make, while exasperated with their child for having broken some household item. For instance, a mother buys a new small appliance for her kitchen, let's say its a stand mixer. The kids start playing with it and jam something in the blades and burn out the motor. Mom walks in and sees the mess and yells, "See! That's why we can't have nice things!"

It's a comment that is actually an irrational thing to say, but it's funny for that reason. A very "mom/dad" thing they would say in the heat of the moment.