Chumpy Daddy

A specific ‘type’ of man: typically tall & broad in stature &, more importantly, paternal in nature. We’ve all come across a chumpy daddy in our day, whether you’re aware of it or not. Should you need any help identifying a potential CD please find an extensive, but by no means exhaustive, list of traits below:

- Loves rugby & only rugby, except for a summertime dabble in cricket

- Rubs your back a lot

- Big givers e.g. loves to go down on you & asks you if you’re enjoying it
- Bootleg jeans & wrong shoes

- Probably an uncle by age 25
- Makes cooked breakfasts with black pudding

- Drives, or aspires to drive, a big gauche car (think Land Rover defender/Range Rover evoque)

- If he’s not live in the stadium he books out areas at pubs to watch big sporting events

- Leggings under their shorts in the gym

- Steak & red wine lover’s
- A water bottle the size of their daily water consumption with lines to mark the time in the day they should drink it by

- Does poos in clubs

- Cologne that smells of musk

- Brunette (but not always)
- Love stouts & ales

- Always wearing a collared shirt of some kind
- Mahogany furniture

- Loves a Big Mac

- Girthy dick (probably uncircumcised)
- Would pay for an umpiring qualification

- A generous host & sees the role as some sort of Olympic sport

- Doesn’t laugh often, but when they do it’s an eruption of hearty belly laughter in response to something unintended to be a joke

- Most likely lives in the south of England