Claybonus

When you're a black, muscular newsman who regularly has threesomes with white women and Patrick Stewart. Zeus himself granted Claybonus the ability to sense the aura of all women within a 100 mile radius, and based on this aura, automatically scale their hotness on a scale of 1-10. He also has an awesome cam show, in which he shares his problems and wisdom with the world. Some say Claybonus has the ability to jack off with his pants on. There is an ancient prophosy, that one day Claybonus will find out the horrible secret of his lineage and transform into the villainous Darth Jacker. Scourge of the universe and the light side of the force.