corduroids
n. (pl.) Hemorrhoids so rough that they rub together and make noise when walking. Usually the result of either a hard poo or heavy anal traffic.
"Dude, I've been eating nothing but frozen burritos and Toaster Strudel for two weeks now, and I'm getting some pretty serious corduroids. Seriously, my asshole looks like cauliflower and I sound like Velcro every time I walk anywhere."