Cornwall

Quite possibly the greatest place on the planet, this is reflected by British Tourist industry figures. More people from the UK go to Cornwall on holiday then fly abroad. Problem is, we don't want you here. We live in a beautiful place far far away from the North East or any crime-rife cities and we, the Cornish people would like to keep it that way.

Nothing pisses me off more than not being able to surf because of the sheer volume of pastey-white bodies on the beach and in the water. Really, stay at home this summer, we'll like you a lot more for it.

Bit at bottom of UK that looks like an Elephants trunk. historically a country in it's own right, similar to Wales, except the people aren't so stuck up their asses, and speak English to you, with minimal strange looks. The Cornish name for Cornwall is Kernow.

A nicer place then anywhere else in the UK. A minimum level of chavs, lots of fit girls, a great place to live. The main downside is the 'emmets' who come down with there chavvy mates on holiday.

County stuck on the arse-end of England. Deluded locals think they live in a separate country. The rest of England doesn't care because it is a third-world shit- hole. Arrogant student surfers everywhere. A lobotomy is required to swim in the sea as it's so cold.

A small, boring town in upstate New York (or downstate, depending on your point of view. It's an hour away from the city.) It is mostly suburbs, apart from Main Street (where almost everything is closed down) and some rural parts in Mountainville. One of the only interests in Cornwall is sports. The mascot for the schools is, inexplicably, the dragon. Most younger people living in Cornwall will say that they can't wait to get out if it, as there is hardly anything at all to do.

Despite its proximity to Newburgh, there are really no gangs or violence outside of teenage "mischief" and the Maplehurst Inn (home to crazy homeless people, one might say).

It's a solidly middle-class town, but in Cornwall-on-Hudson, it's pretty high-class. It's divided into Cornwall, the Village of Cornwall, Cornwall-on-Hudson (which is along the Hudson river), and Mountainville. It's close to New Windsor, Washingtonville, Salisbury Mills, West Point, and Newburgh.

AKA: C-Wall, Craphole

A remote, uncivilized area that is abundant in low paid jobs, widespread heroin abuse and a high number of semi-derelict towns but is perversely held to be somehow superior by its fat, unintelligible and sanctimonious inhabitants.

When you feed your girlfriend nothing but corn, wait for her to shit and half way through fuck her in the ass.