cryptstraddock
A condition that defines the way a morbidly obese individual must walk in order to stay mobile. Often leads to injury or death in the obese individual and/or independent parties unfortunate enough to be caught in the aftermath.
"I knew this fat guy, Tony was his name. He suffered from cryptstraddock and unfortunately caused the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake upon contact with the ground. He was bound to a wheelchair for the last 3 hours of his life, but he was more fortunate than the 63 killed and 3,757 injured in the wake of his fat ass."