Cry-sturbation
A jealousy-induced form of regretful masturbation; usually occurs after one realizes their ex no longer wants them and/or after seeing them "getting it in" with a new lover.
Dude is Devin crying? ...Dude is Devin masturbating? Oh Shit! That poor bastard's cry-sturbating!
After seeing his ex playing tonsil hockey with her new man at the superbowl party, Devin scampered away to his room for an all night session of loud & painfully pleasant cry-sturbation.
After seeing his ex playing tonsil hockey with her new man at the superbowl party, Devin scampered away to his room for an all night session of loud & painfully pleasant cry-sturbation.