Defcon Shit System
Defcon 5: No Threat. You probably just took a huge shit.
Defcon 4: There's potential. Either enough time has passed since your last shit, or your last shit you don't feel emptied you out, or you feel slightly unwell and could need to take a shit earlier than usual.
Defcon 3: Very slight pressure. If you really, really needed to, you could probably for some turds out. If you do, it will probably be vey unfulfilling.
Defcon 2: The normal needing to shit. Ideal conditions under which to shit.
Defcon 1: Shit imminent. Basically, you better have your pants dropping as you hit the bathroom door or you're going to have a problem on your hands.
Defcon 4: There's potential. Either enough time has passed since your last shit, or your last shit you don't feel emptied you out, or you feel slightly unwell and could need to take a shit earlier than usual.
Defcon 3: Very slight pressure. If you really, really needed to, you could probably for some turds out. If you do, it will probably be vey unfulfilling.
Defcon 2: The normal needing to shit. Ideal conditions under which to shit.
Defcon 1: Shit imminent. Basically, you better have your pants dropping as you hit the bathroom door or you're going to have a problem on your hands.
Dude, I'm currently at Defcon shit system level 3. We should probably pull over so I can shit soon.