dirty hurty
A 'dirty hurty' is when a person applies faecal matter to a coarse piece of sandpaper (preferably 60 grit) and then goes on to use it as a masturbatory device. the rest is up to the imagination.
"Man, that was a pretty hectic dirty hurty i gave myself last night."
Dirty-Hurty
The elegant act of using sandpaper to wipe your ass, then proceeding to wrap the shit-covered sandpaper around your dick and using it as a condom.
"I gave her a right-old dirty-hurty last night"