Drunk Rules
An unspoken, unilateral agreement exonerating an individual or group of any consequence of any action performed while blind shit-faced drunk, or merely tipsy. Either way dude. Go nuts.
Judge: You stand accused of willful destruction of private property, public indecency, reckless endangerment, and assault for committing the act of defecating in, on, and around the gas tank of one Principal Gumblefudger, fully naked and covered in raspberry vinaigrette dressing and yelling "Fuck the British! Long live the Confederacy!", as the car was in motion and being driven by the principal's daughter, all the while in full view of the school's occupants as they assembled in the parking lot for the annual Casimir Pulaski day parade! Jesus Brother-Sucking Christ, do you have anything to say for yourself? How could you possibly plead to fully acknowledge the extent of your public malice?
Defendant: Sorry, I guess. Drunk rules.
Judge: Oh, my bad. Sorry dude, I didn't realize. Well shit. You wanna get a drink or something?
Defendant: Got any raspberry vinaigrette dressing?
Judge: Hells ya.
Defendant: Hells ya.
Defendant: Sorry, I guess. Drunk rules.
Judge: Oh, my bad. Sorry dude, I didn't realize. Well shit. You wanna get a drink or something?
Defendant: Got any raspberry vinaigrette dressing?
Judge: Hells ya.
Defendant: Hells ya.
Drunk Text Rule
If at any point when you are intoxicated and feel the overwhelming urge to text anyone else, text a bro and he (and in very few cases she) will play along with any absurd trains of thought you might have while at the same time preventing you from doing anything too stupid... Like drunk texting.
Jack: You partying tonight?
Brandon: No, I have class in the morning.
Jack: May I invoke the Drunk Text Rule?
Brandon: I'll allow it.
Brandon: No, I have class in the morning.
Jack: May I invoke the Drunk Text Rule?
Brandon: I'll allow it.