Duquesne University

prop. n.; a Catholic college located in Pittsburgh, PA attended by students either unable to afford the University of Pittsburgh. Freshmen enjoy Duquesne for about three weeks before realizing that, in fact, they do not wish to relive high school socially and academically, or when they realize that they cannot have sex with their significant others without a priest trying to knock down the dorm-room door.

1.) a computer network sub-par to those in parts of Africa.

2.) Unable to perform basic tasks; such as load a web page.

3.) YouTube.....forget it.

4.) Can only be used between the hours of 2-6 A.M.