Elviscosity
1. the state or quality of sweat being sticky or slimy; a measure of uncleanliness that considers the quantities of hair grease, sweat, and dirt on an unkempt person recorded on a scale from 1 to 10.
Joaquin Phoenix registered an 8.5 on the "Elviscosity" scale during his spaced out performance on Davis Letterman, he looked like hadn't showered in months.