eric paul johnson

A person who cries as he ejaculates and proceeds to drink the tears and semen. He once ran for class president but lost to a chalkboard eraser. At the age of 15 he discovered that his father is actually half a turkey and bacon sandwich. People have speculated as to EPJ's sexual orientation, with the top possible orientations being: the attraction to elder mountain goats, attracted to David Caruso's sunglasses or the attraction to Steve Buscemi's elbow crook. He once voted for Mikhail Gorbachev in American idol.