Alspenis

The town of Alpena, Michigan is often referred to as Al's Penis. It is full of rednecks and polocks. Mullets and mustaches are not exclusive to men, and can most likely be seen on the women shopping/working at Walmart. The poor people buy Natty Light and the more wealthy folk can afford Busch Light. Activities in this town include drinking while:

- at bonfires
- hunting
- at work
- eating
- hanging out with friends
- fishing
- going to class
- doing yard work
- watching the high school football game
- golfing
- shopping at Walmart
- sleeping?

There really isn't a situation where it is not appropriate to drink in this town. The woods is always within close proximity and the cops aren't very fast, making running from the cops while at a huge party a past time for kids of all ages.