febtoberfest

1. A celebration typically centering on the mighty Badger, or Axolotl and involves a cornucopia of merriment and sacred druidic rituals. Alcohol, combined with self gathered psychotropic herbs are consumed under a full moon; the participants proceed to swing leather and burlap sacks of cats over their heads while dervishing furiously, often knocking into each other. Anthropologists believe the dance was developed in times of great boredom and hardship, to relieve sexual tension and keep the earth rotating on its axis. The swirling of the cat sachels warded off the Norse death goddess, Nehalenna, and sustained the electromagnetic energy fields that attracted the winds that blew through yggdrasil (the cosmic tree of life) keeping the earth rotating on its axis. The cats would be released simultaneously, and the resulting static energy caused birds to fall dead from their branches, and owls to howl like sirens. These indo-european precursors to the Vikings would then begin their military campaign, beginning the morning after for another 8 months, until it was time for the Autum Febtoberfest-fest. Globally, this festivity has survived and evolved into various traditions including, but not limited to: National Sleepy Day in Finland, Guy Fawkes Day, Black Mass, Ronald Reagan's Birthday, Christmas, Bohdi Day, and Jazz Funerals.