Guntgie
When a woman possessing a wordgunt/word wears pants much too tight for her prominent girth, thus producing a wedgie effect which drives witnesses to gouge out their eyes with the nearest rusty garden implement. Credit belongs to Canadian G. Mellum for coining the term in 2001.
Mrs. Chastko had such a guntgie that I wished to drive a serrated trowel into my left eye socket.