Jacob's Dad

A sad, lonely beta male who's existence is only told in legends. No one knows where or who he is, and no one ever will.

A piece of shit no one likes.

A boisterous middle aged man who often enjoys cycling, particularly in ridiculous tight pink Lycra whilst screaming as loud as he can to draw as much attention to himself as possible.

Common traits include stealing his son’s TV as well as the dog bed which he uses for sunbathing in an attempt to lure the household dog back to his local gym. Once successful, he proceeds to perform a handstand by the exercise bikes while screeching signature phrases such as “OOOH YEAH COME OOON!” whilst watching cycling videos on his stolen TV.

He often claims to be 8% body fat yet has not been remotely close since his first Facebook post.

A very attractive man who is looking for girls who have nice curves. He is rude at times and beats his children, but he always finds ways to look good and stay fresh.

A sexual act where an attractive middle aged man who often enjoys cycling steals the dog bed and television from his son’s house and uses it to lure the dog back to his local gym. He then proceeds to dress up in tight pink Lycra and perform a handstand by the exercise bikes with butter rubbed along his huge dick so that the dog sucks him off while watching other hot men cycling on his stolen TV. This is usually accompanied by extremely loud screams from the man to attract as much attention to himself as possible as well as gleeful noises from the sucking dog when it’s fur is splattered with tasty white cum.

Is a dad of a 4 year old kid named Jacob. Jacobs dad is suspicious and nerdy. Is a drug dealer. Forcing kids to hug his son.

A scary scary man who you must run from in the woods if you take his phone.