Joelinton

The greatest footballer ever known to man kind, who also possesses the greatest comeback of a career in world history. He was transferred over to Newcastle from Hoffenheim for £40 million to play BruceBall. As proven by many of the other players used by Steve Bruce, Steve didn’t know how to use him properly. He used Joelinton in the number 9 position, when at Hoffenheim he was used on the wing. Unsurprisingly, he was shocking. With many people thinking he found his level after scoring against Rochdale in the FA Cup. However, soon after, in October 2021, Newcastle United was taken over by the Public Investment Fund (80%), the Rueben Brothers (10%), and Amanda Staveley (10%). After one game, they sacked Steve Bruce and soon after hired Eddie Howe. This is a man who, in the words of Steve Bruce, ‘Got Bournemouth relegated’. While he was severely underfunded. The took over a year out to study managers elsewhere and came back ready. He took over Newcastle when they were 19th with no wins in 14 games and finished that season in 11th. In late December, Newcastle played Manchester United. This was the first game where Joelinton was used as a midfielder. He dropped a masterclass and nutmegged Marcus Rashford. This sky rocketed his confidence and has since then became a staple in Newcastles midfield, even with the likes of Bruno Guimaraes and Sandro Tonali.

A goat known to men and football alike. His record of 7 goals (and counting)in 81 games is unparalleled in world football. There has been no man more leng or beautiful to ever exist and it’s been known that millions of women and men support Newcastle just to catch a glimpse of his masculine presence. He is the epitome of male “sexiness”.

Stinky Brazilian fraud

The goat of football and the best player in premier league history. This man is so sexy and beautiful. He currently has 12 goals in 122 games for newcastle which is a record no prem midfielder has. Has recently been taken to court for drink driving. The TRUE goat of football.