perfect turd
A perfect turd is a turd produced in one push that is a solid column of shit that rests on the bottom of the toilet bowl with its top poking out above the water line.
Jack laid a perfect turd that when he checked his performance was standing up in the bowl looking back up at him
Turd Perfect
As good as things can get for a piece of shit
Friend: Life is fucking awful
Other friend: for you, they're Turd Perfect
Other friend: for you, they're Turd Perfect