Tedding

Tedding: the male act of monetary pretension as a means to get in your pants, someday; carrot-danglers with perverse intentions.

Teds take you to "nice" dinners at the Capital Grille and promise you nice things like Prada handbags, Christian Louboutins and someday a trip to Paris. At first you are really excited at the thought of being wined, dined and spoiled because your 45,000 annual salary is barely enough to dine at Applebees and pay for your studio apartment.

However, when it comes time to deliver the goods, something always seems to come up...

Ted- "My great uncle died, I have to go out of town for the weekend. Sorry, we will go shopping when I get back..."

Ted-"Ugh, I spent 30 grand in Vegas this weekend." *hint, hint*

Warning Signs of a Ted:

-The rug in his bathroom is from Target.

-After a few well vodka tonics, he brags about his 1 million Marriot points and United Gold status, as a discrete but insincere gesture that he intends on taking you on a "vacation."

-He drives an Acura.

-You find a receipt for Men's Warehouse in his car cup holder.

-He is a software developer.

-He buys you a perfume sampler from Sephora.

Teds come in all shapes and sizes, but generally speaking they are 4's or 5's at best and a 10 on the scale of disappointment.

Derived from the T.V show 'How I met your mother', to Ted is to be morbidly depressed about your social or love life. People who ted often; over think situations, have low confidence in their appeal to the opposite sex and often refer to attractive members of the opposite sex as 'out of their league'. People who Ted on a regular basis tend to be unimpulsive and require a great deal of peer pressure to engage with the opposite sex.

Ted is a well known clown who resides in New York city. He can be found hanging out with teenagers despite the fact that he is nearing senior citizenship.
His haircut is commonly referred to as "The Ted". Witnesses have claimed that it resembles a botched lobotomy.
You too can sport "The Ted", just go to your local barber, ask him to shave the sides of your head, and hit you in the back of the head with a ice pick a few times.

Ted is a criminal dating back to before Christ. If you see Ted call the police or run. Teds criminal record is stated below

DOB:1972-02-07

Race:Lizard

Sex:Please
Eyes:Brown
Height:7 ft 11 in

Hair:None
Weight:14 tons.
Offense or Statute
Offense/Statute:Rape-1st:forcible CompulsionDate Convicted:12 April 1993, 1 March 2022, 1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442

Offense/Statute:Sexual Abuse 1st Degree:contact By Forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted:1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442

Offense/Statute:Sodomy:intercourse Forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted: 1 March 2022

Offense/Statute:Unlawful Imprisonment-1st DegreeDate

Convicted:1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442

Offense/Statute:Rape-1st:forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted:12 April 1993

Offense/Statute:Sexual Abuse 1st Degree:contact By Forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted:12 April 1993

Offense/Statute:Sodomy:intercourse Forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted:12 April 1993

Offense/Statute:Unlawful Imprisonment-1st DegreeDate

Convicted:12 April 1993

He is my best friend. He's someone who's always smiling no matter what the circumstances. Someone who never judges anyone. Someone whom is always there for you through thick and thin. A goofy, silly guy who loves cracking jokes at the most awkward, yet somehow appropriate, moments. The love of my life.

A true soul mate! Very loyal, and a true man who provides for his family and is a Knight in shining armor. He defends his Lord, and all that he loves. Friend, lover, and ass kicker!!

A badass, talking teddy bear