The Sexiest Devotchka

A fantastically tall DANISH IRISH high-jumper from "Da Mesa" in Santa Barbara, California. While many believe she's a barely-legal dead-sexy blonde, the fact of the matter is she's not legal at all! Note that this does not stop the amazingly high Crunkage rates, including (but not limited to):

1. Vanilla Rum in Las Vegas, NV
2. Multiple Screwdrivers in Las Vegas, NV
3. "Kelli's Jungle Punch" in Ventura, CA
4. Braaaaaandizzle's "What the fuck happened last night" drink and smokefest in Oak View, California

Few can control her, with the exception of Negro Police on bicycles and Nutella Salesmen (Not to mention her old-bald-guy fetish king, The Bruce.)

Has been known (at times) to have construction workers incarcerated at her leisure.

Often found near the "Straight Neeg" Nathalie (Follow the scent of Marijuana)

You'd hit it. Oh yes, You'd Hit It.

6 foot tall, badass motherfucker, don't mess with this bitch or you'll get the horns.
Background: Danish, Swedish, German, Irish

This bitch will fully own you if you act awry.

Aliases:
Kel
Kelli
Long Dong Kong
Woozass
The Tall Hot Blonde
Badass Motherfucker
Dontonson

Loyal to the end, if you cross her...you better watch your back, she'll rampage


Happy to be:
Your friend
Your bartender
Your body guard
Your mentor
Your sidekick
Your lapdog
Your most loyal of deciples