the straw king

A highly trained, bilingual secret agent man made entirely of straw. Trained extensively in the field of extreme weather survival, covert operation, explosive weapon disarmament, long range sharpshooting, jungle survival, high speed precision driving, and witty comeback responses. The only way to appease this killing machine is to pay your respects to him by kissing him on the cheek. If due respect is not paid in full, upon time of arrival, you may find him at the foot of your bed at night...waiting to drag your soul to the underworld. Yeah, he specializes in that too.