UC Merced

When you get rejected at every other UC.

The ass crack of the UC system. Developed with great intentions, finished with sadness. Typical students include the not-so-smart-Asian kids, Central Valley underachievers, coastline idiots, and compulsive procrastinators. Due to its location in ? Like actually though, where the fuck is Merced. Exactly, you don’t even know. Go look it up, I’ll wait. Yeah we have giant crosses that say “Jesus Saves” next door. Despite all this, UC Merced still parties hard due to the lack of literally anything else to do and high convenience store workers that don’t ID anyone. Come here if you sucked at high school, want to party, and think you might transfer but will end up staying bc your rent is $400 a month for a big ass house.

The Best UC in California with the Sexiest men and Women.

The newest of the UC's and the easiest to get into. Because of the largest club on campus is a Christian club, and the majority of students falling into the order of Asian, Mexican/Hispanic, University of Christian Minorities has become the new place to go.

The anus of the UC system, a deprived crap-hole of subpar academic misery and social depravity that is accepting anyone who applies. The typical student was rejected from every other UC but wanted to pander to the fact that they attended a school with the "name" that implies prestige (when in fact none exists at all) but in reality offers nothing but subpar academics, shitty and socially isolating location and a laughable four year college experience. Did I mention UC Merced is being considered for the chopping block? Bet the Regents wish they could have seen the financial cuts coming! Merced will be the bellwether for the great budget deficit of our time.

University of California, Merced. Brand new, just started in 2005. Whether people will want to spend four years in Merced is anybody's guess at this point.