Dennis

Generous, understanding, smart, and very talented. He is as sharp and as quick-witted as Jim Carrey on speed, but he can also sometimes be brooding like Marlon Brando. He's a strange one, but he will leave you laughing anytime you see him. He has a cute self-consciousness about him that is very charming. He is so gifted that everything just comes to him naturally and effortlessly, but he genuinely thinks he sucks at everything when in fact he doesn't. Which is fine, because that makes him try ten times harder than anybody else at anything that he does. He is also very tough. Stories tell of him wrestling a pack of hungry coyotes that were messing with his cat. Don't ask what happened to those coyotes. He's just one of those few people that have a commanding presence about them, and you instantly recognize him when he steps into a room. Mere mortals tremble by his very presence, but he doesn't see you this way. He is never judgmental towards others, which is refreshing to see. He is very empathetic and always wants to relate to others. I think he's an artist, and a damn good one, but he cringes when hearing that word. He has great difficulty receiving compliments, of all things, and I cannot figure out why. Did I mention he's handsome? He looks like Johnny Depp. On a bad day. His wit, humor, handsomeness, and all around awesomeness, makes me think that he is the reincarnation of Cary Grant.

Hands down, the best human encounter one could possibly have in the entire universe. A dennis typically breaks out in song yelling in the middle of a grocery store. You can usually find a dennis in the least crowded places of the world. A Dennis also likes to pretend he is a hard ass with no heart, but in fact he actually has one of the biggest hearts in the world. Extremely intelligent, and musically inclined. And makes the absolute best soul mate. Very loyal. And very sexy. Most beautiful eyes in the planet. Some might even say that a dennis is out of this world. Quite possibly an alien.

Denny's is a 24-hour diner. They serve warm mediocre quality food, coffee, and the essential Meat-Lover's Skillet. To fully qualify as a Denny's however the diner must have:

1.) A waitress that has worked there way too long. She is missing a finger, a tooth, or maybe she has a 6th toe. In any case she's freaking tired and does not take any of your crap.

2.) One of the following non-conformists:
"To be a non-conformist, you have to dress in black, and listen to the same music we do."
a.) Goth kids. Black attire, hopped up on caffeine writing bad gothic poetry (i.e. "If a drop of blood would make you smile I would slash my wrists till I expired in a crimson puddle of my wasted love")
b.) Wiccan kids. Not to be confused with Goth kids. They wear black too, but lean more toward the caped Halloween look. They must have bumper stickers on their car that read something like "My other car is a broomstick". They know magik so you better not mess with them.
c.) Emo kids. You will either have the tolerable ones who actually know something about music, or the lame ones that just discovered the fad out of Seventeen magazine. Availability varies by location. Dashboard anyone?

3.) The bitter kid that makes fun of those people in #2. This can be damn funny.

4.) The creepy midnight shift guy. No one knows much about him, but they wish he's take a shower.

5.) The people who drag their whining screaming brats out for an 11 pm dinner. Maybe if Mommy hadn't been turning tricks all day she would have made you a home cooked meal.

6.) The drunks. If need help spotting them they the person that just went into the booth headfirst. Also, the stoners. They never bothered to find the booth; they are sitting on the floor.

7.) An impossible to operate crane machine.

8.) Billowing clouds of smoke. What non-smoking section?

9.) Endless amount of coffee! Endless! *Sigh* and tea, for those types.

An intense office plague that spreads rapidly to co-workers in spite of little to no contact with Dennis. Some people may not even be within the vicinity of the department or state and yet still be stricken by this mysterious virus. The virus is known to last over two weeks and sometimes over a month. It has similar symptoms to the common cold or flu with exceptionally increased mucus production, extreme sore throat and urge to cough. You would probably get rid of herpes before the Dennis.

An absolute lad who gets all the ladies.

The sexiest and most attractive man you will ever meet. He is awesome and very cool. Everyone loves him and adore him for his kindness. He is the most intelligent but Dennis can also be very fun to hang out with. He is the best person you will ever meet in your life.

Probably the most amazing person you will ever meet. He's sweet, kind, funny, loving, and caring...and no matter what, he's always there for you during your hardest times. Whenever life seems impossible, he'll always be the one standing there telling you that everything's going to be okay. He's the type of guy who you can call in THE MIDDLE of the nite when you get scared when you have a bad dream, the guy who will hold you when you cry, and the guy who will do anything to keep you safe. He's the best friend anyone could ever ask for, and the most selfless person alive. Anyone would be lucky just to meet him and get to spend time with him. Den always knows how to cheer you up - a simple picture, funny message, text fuck up - idk he can always just find a way to make you laugh. He's been through a lot, though, and doesn't realize how amazing he is. He's a life saver. A giver. A listener. And a survivor. And he needs to remember that no matter how tough life gets, he will always have his music. The one thing that's been there for him, when people have not. It's a shame that we all can't be like him. He's inspirational and he changes lives. He just doesn't know it...I hope more than anything, though, that Dennis is forgiving.